Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby
by TechnoDee
Summary: [Sequel to 100 Ways of Ridding of Boredom] The unfortunate accident that occurred in Castle Dedede resulted in Kirby earning the title of the king. And under him, there will be many drastic changes. T for swearing and really mild violence. [Next Update: 15 June 2014 SGT]
1. Beginning of Post-Game

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter One: Beginning of Post-Game**

_The beginning of something Bandana Dee terms a post-game._

* * *

Pawns were rid of the moment they had turned useless.

The Cycle—you come to Castle Dedede, you get interviewed, you get accepted, deemed a minion, also deemed as a pawn, once useless, thrown away—used to spin a web around fear of being taken out of existence, misery, happiness when accepted, and many others. Its long life story drops from _one_ to _zero_ and it has been halted by the ultimate barrier called _the new king_.

Pawns were no longer rid of the moment they had turned useless. This king will continue to preserve one's falling life, no matter how small—a tiny, useless Waddle Dee counted—and if lost, the king will not take it lightly.

The Cycle could be termed as a "final boss" in a "game". "Post-game" would be after the "final boss" has been "defeated". The Cycle has been "defeated", stopped, never to spin again.

"Post-game" is where things will be easier and happier, usually.

If things were easier and happier, that means some very drastic changes were going to weave their way through their life, then. The "main game" had been anything but easy and happy.

The new king has taken responsibility over their lives. They have been assured they will be kept safe and will not be abused in any sort of way. The only thing he cannot prevent is his enemy's attacks.

The pawns—the minions—are willing to be attacked by the enemies. They have decided that the new king would do a good job at defense.

The sun was slowly creeping over the horizon. The new king was perched on the balcony railing, signature grin plastered onto his face like always. He turned backwards briefly at the castle, before turning back to the sunrise.

_Time to make some drastic changes to the castle._

* * *

**A/N:** Author's note at the back, yep. I can't make a sequel to this or I'll be placing my author's note in the middle. That's... no.

Anyways, I switched and messed with the present and past tense here a lot, so... I probably made a mistake somewhere. More likely in the present tense section. Ah well, as long as you get the concept.

The italics author's note was simple and nice, but I've recently had a change of author's note. So.

Anyway, here! Have the sequel to **Minion: 100 Ways of Ridding of Boredom**! These stories will be very similar; this story will also update almost every day and will be relatively short chapters. This time, some may get long. I'm going to list out the differences...

Waddle Doo will now be called Mitchizuka (his real name). I've started making the non-pronoun stuff capital (Waddle Dee, Waddle Doo, &c, &c), so, to avoid confusion, this happens.

This story is **not limited** to 100 chapters.

...Eh, sorry for long author's note. I had a lot of stuff to say. First chapter, you know?


	2. Waking Up on the Wrong Side

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Two: Waking Up on the Wrong Side**

_Bandana Dee literally means it when he says he "wakes up on the wrong side of the bed"._

* * *

Bandana Dee had a bad habit of waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

"_Oh, holy shit not again!_"

Mitchizuka bolted upright. "Bandana! Who's dying?" he screamed, clutching the sheets in terror.

"Me, _me_! _I'm_ dying!" Bandana Dee screamed back.

Haddle the (opposite of a) saviour burst through the door. "Stop screaming!" he screamed at them, eyes narrowed. "Bandana Dee! Twenty push-ups for screaming, on the ground, _now_! You too, Mitchizuka!"

"B-But—" Bandana Dee's voice was increasingly muffled. "I can't! I'm squished in the gap between my bed and the wall!"

"Oh my god!" Mitchizuka ducked under the covers. "No! I don't want to see my best friend being squished! Save him, Haddle!"

"Shut it!" Haddle pulled the bed away from the wall, allowing Bandana Dee to fall to the ground. "How do you push the bed away from the wall and fall down the gap, anyway? I don't get it."

"Me neither," Bandana Dee mumbled miserably, crawling out from under the bed. "I am a sad, sad person."

Haddle rolled his eyes. "Sure you are, and even more so if you don't be at assembly in ten minutes," he muttered with a sharp edge, whipping round and slamming the door shut. Bandana Dee's gaze flicked to the clock.

"_Holy shit_!"

"Shit is not holy!" Mitchizuka cried from under the covers. Bandana Dee raced over to his bed and yanked the sheets off of him. "Hey! What's the big deal?"

"Ten minutes! Assembly! Now!" Bandana Dee yelled back.

"_What_? I was gonna take a big dump!"

"Take a big dump later! We need to get going _now_ or we'll have crap being dumped on _us_!" Yanking Mitchizuka out of the bed, Bandana Dee dragged him along the ground and out into the Minion Hallways. From there, Haddle was waiting and nodded curtly before speeding down the hallway.

"'M late," Mitchizuka muttered. "Why didn't Midori wake us up?"

"Oh, he was gonna talk with Wildfire and Minura. You know, Wildfire and Midori have been minions for a pretty long time, so they know each other real well, and Minura just needs"—Bandana Dee searched for the right word—"a talk. 'Cause he's so wimpy."

"I hoped he reserved a seat for us."

"If he didn't, I'll slap him."

"Roast his balls."

They slipped into their seats—Midori _had_ reserved seats for them—and waited patiently for the assembly to start. Okay, so Mitchizuka was so jittery Bandana Dee threatened to strangle his eyeball and tear out his hair, but it was still very patient.

* * *

**A/N:** Borin' chapter. I got nothing to write, see?

Now, shhh, don't complain about yesterday's skip. Shut up and take it.

...Speaking of skipping, most likely no update tomorrow? I have so much homework by bag feels like it has gold in it. (Gold? _Homework_? No.)

I also forgot about the covert art. Again. *frowns* 'M gonna do it sometime next time. (And no, Nashew, no offering to do it.)


	3. First Time He Didn't Fall Asleep

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Three: First Time He Didn't Fall Asleep**

_Bandana Dee often slept when the old king made announcements, but he changed his tactics when the new king arrived._

* * *

The assembly wasn't as boring as Bandana Dee thought—Kirby was going on and on about improving the castle, changing their lifestyles, blah blah blah, &c, &c, but Kirby wasn't a hundred-percent in love with his own voice like Dedede, so it was fine. Kirby rarely made emphasis on his points by repeating it, but if he did, it was only once. And once was okay.

"Hey, you didn't fall asleep!" Mitchizuka trilled once it was over. Bandana Dee turned to him with a blank stare. "Well, new king and all, huh? You made sure to pay attention 'cause it's Kirby and all."

"You dolts were friends with Kirby before this?" one of R. Bonkers' friends—Lionpi, Bandana Dee guessed—sneered. "Well, you were friends with our former enemy."

"And our new king." Haddle's sudden appearance surprised Bandana Dee—but he was grateful at the snappy Healer. "Old enemy, new king. You got a problem, you can't do anything. 'Cause the old king's in jail." He shifted his eyes to the route down to the cells. "Unless you wanna join him, I can arrange that, yeah."

"Who do you think you _are_?" Lionpi growled, swinging back his hammer.

"I think I'm Haddle," Haddle replied snappishly. "It's been my name ever since I was born, and _I_ don't have a problem with it."

"Well, you better have one now, because I'm changing it to Stupid Asswipe," Lionpi snarled.

"_Hey_!" Wildfire's shrill voice cut through. "Pee-Pee! I _told_ you to back off, _jerk_!"

The Bonkers fled within the next second. Wildfire pushed Haddle out of the way, sprinting after him and letting loose a jet of fire after him. Midori and Minura gathered with Bandana Dee and the others.

"Well, Wildfire got into a fight with him last week," Midori explained. "She kinda burnt him and she warned him to stay away, but well, he didn't. So."

"Oh, did you hear?" Mitchizuka's eyes lit up. "We're renovating the castle, so no more ugly Dedede faces along the hallway! It's awesome, right? I mean, I have to prevent myself from puking every time I walk by."

"It's stressful," Bandana Dee agreed sulkily. "And it's better if we got rid of it as quickly as possible." He wasn't paying attention all the time, though, since his brain was accustomed to shutting down during speeches. Kirby wasn't boring, but his brain was very stubborn to change.

"Oh, Bandana Dee?" Kirby's voice called from behind. Bandana Dee whipped round, staring curiously at the new king. "I was going to visit Kuku and the others. They called me there, you know. I was wondering if you'd like to join me—Kuku said you should come over, too."

"Uh—of course?"

"Don't give me that questioning tone, it's completely fine, you know. And before you say anything, _don't_ give me any sort of majestic title." Kirby smiled threateningly. "Just Kirby. Or else."

"Uh, okay." That sounded scary, even though when someone used "or else", it didn't usually sound scary. Kirby was amazing, though, he made the impossible possible.

"...Oh, crap!" Mitchizuka's eye widened and he covered the area where his mouth would have been. "Um... Bandana Dee..?"

Bandana Dee turned back to Mitchizuka. "Yeah?"

The Waddle Doo wrung his hands. "Um, you know, we were in a hurry today, so, uh, you know..."

"What?"

"I forgot to, uh..."

"_What_."

"I forgot to, well, inform you that you, um... didn't... bring... your... spear?" Each word was teamed with a step backwards. Bandana Dee felt around his back, and tilted his head mechanically.

"No. Spear."

"I—I mean, I swear I forgot!" Mitchizuka had taken off down through the yard. "_'M gonna run back and get it!_"

Kirby tilted his head. "This is what happens when Bandana Dee doesn't bring his spear?"

Haddle nodded stiffly. "Let's just go. They'll find their way to the house by themselves, anyway. If they get lost, they miss out on the food."

"Oh, okay." Kirby glanced at Bandana Dee. "What's wrong with him?"

"No-Spear Malfunction," Midori chirped.

* * *

**14 April 2014 SGT**

...Boring chapter!

Oh, by the way, there are two different things here in the author's note: You see that date above? Instead of putting "**A/N**", I'm putting that. So we can see how lazy I am, you know?

Two, there's a "**Next Update**" below. That's my most likely time for the next update, unless something bad happens. But it'll most likely happen, so.

Boring chapters are boring! Stick out with it until, like, the tenth chapter. I dunno, I don't plan my things, you know.

Ideas _will_ be accepted (similar to 100 Ways of Ridding of Boredom), but not _now_. I need to get the stuff done. You can start submitting ideas once I've posted chapter five, and for all of those who forget, I'll put a reminder in a author's note to remind you all. Because I'm simply fabulous. (hahano)

**Next Update: Tomorrow (15 April SGT)**


	4. The Abomination of Many Buttons

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Four: The Abomination of Many Buttons**

_Bandana Dee does not like complicated things, Mitchizuka has a like for complicated things, and Wildfire shoves complicated things at others._

* * *

"You know," Bandana Dee muttered as they walked along the pathway, "Wildfire just got us something called a 'mobile phone' because apparently, we're hobos without them."

"You _are_," Wildfire insisted, glaring at them.

"Yeah anyway," Mitchizuka interjected, "this 'mobile phone' thing is awesome. It's so... _functional_."

"No, too complicated," Bandana Dee scoffed.

"That's the key factor of making it _awesome_!"

"No, it's not! It's supposed to be _simple_ otherwise no one can use it, duh!"

"Noooo! If it's too simple, it's not interesting! It can't be un-interesting! If they are, they're not fun to have!"

"Yeah, right, _as if_. It's a device for communication; it should be kept simple and easy."

"Well, it's not my fault if you have such a bird-brain and you can't solve the 'mobile phone'!" Mitchizuka flared.

Bandana Dee's eyes narrowed. "Mitchizuka, did you just call me a 'bird-brain'?"

"Well, _duh_."

"Are you trying to start something, mister?"

"Well, if I wasn't—"

"Why'd you give us a phone anyway?" Bandana Dee had diverted his divine fury to Wildfire. "You know, I don't even know how to use it. Keep your money next time. And don't buy me a laptop for Christmas."

"Well, too bad, complicated things are fun to get other people."

"_What_. So it was on _purpose_. That's it, you're—"

"We should just leave without them," Midori suggested. Kirby nodded.

* * *

**15 April 2014 SGT**

Kirby tolerates people very well.

Now, don't get me wrong; Bandana Dee _is_ smart, but he doesn't _like_ complicated things. Mitchizuka's stupid but he likes complicated things. Wildfire enjoys confusing people with complicated things.

**As a reminder, when the next chapter (chapter 5) is out, ideas will start being accepted like the last fanfic.**

_**Next Update: This Thursday (17 April SGT)**_


	5. Parties and Babies

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Five: Parties and Babies**

_Bandana Dee likes squirting apple juice at others from underneath the table—and "apple juice" is **not** an euphemism for urine, thanks._

* * *

"_Kirby_!" The door was promptly flung open upon reaching the house (after Bandana Dee kicked Mitchizuka into saying mobile phones were evil) and Haddle was nearly thrown backwards. As an instinctive response, Haddle hissed and morphed his wings rapidly into steel. Kuku still stood there, grinning like a (certified) idiot. "We heard that you became king, so we're throwing a _paaaarty_!"

"If this includes getting squished by hugs, I'm not participating," Kirby said curtly _and_ politely.

"Don't worry," Lili called from inside with an irritated tone like always, "I'll make sure Ku doesn't kill anyone today."

"I don't kill anyone, these are _death hugs_!"

"Death hugs lead to death, Ku."

"You're such a party-pooper."

"Do you have apple juice?" Bandana Dee suddenly asked. Kuku nodded. "Okay. Thanks." Slinking into the house, Bandana Dee disappeared.

"Annnnyway." Kuku jumped up and hugged Kirby anyway. "_Kirby I love you I'll have your babies I **knew** you'd do something awesome like becoming a king_ _and_—"

The thud produced from the collision of Lili's parasol and Kuku's head resounded. "Sorry, Ku, but you promised you wouldn't hug anyone for today."

The others which remained outside slipped into the house. (Including Kirby.)

After a short introduction of Wildfire, Mitchizuka looked around with a worried expression. "Oh, crap, I don't see Bandana anywhere."

"Is that a bad thing?" Kirby asked innocently.

"Yeah, if we can't find him, I can bet half of my savings he's underneath a table—"

_Ssssshhhhh!_

"—squirting apple juice. Oh, yuck, Bandana." Mitchizuka grabbed the nearest towel and began wiping himself. Kuku lead him to the toilet to wash off the apple juice.

"This is fun," Bandana Dee declared, before waltzing out and grabbing the nearest table cloth before flinging it over the table he was under and crawled back underneath. Kiki stared at the table cloth.

"He had _six_ bottles of apple juice under there."

If it was possible, Midori's jaw would have dropped. "You're lying," he accused.

The Simirror shook her head. "No, I'm serious. Kuku bought twenty bottles. We have to protect the other fourteen."

"No, he just stole the rest of them," Haddle muttered, watching as Bandana Dee crawled out from underneath and snatched most of them. All that remained was six bottles, now.

"We should just eat the food," Lili suggested, sighing exasperatedly. "Kuku insists that you stay until dinner's over. Hopefully, this juice-squirting loon will come back out out of sheer hunger."

* * *

**17 April 2014 SGT**

If you've forgotten, **you can submit ideas now**!

As a reminder, if I don't like the idea, I'll turn it down. So don't send in stupid requests. (Even if you don't, there's still a chance that I'll turn down sensible requests. I might not like some.)

_**Next Update: This Saturday (19 April SGT)**_


	6. When He Does Not Sleep like a Log

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Six: When He Does Not Sleep like a Log**

_Bandana Dee is willing to accept there will be much construction going on around the castle now, but he is not willing to accept his sleep will be disrupted (again)._

* * *

Kirby had started construction that day with a "these ugly faces must be rid off right now". Dedede had carved "Dedede faces" onto the walls along most of the hallways. It greatly disturbed Kirby, apparently.

The new king had also complained that it was "too castle-y" and needed it to be more "homey". The throne room would go under construction as a result. In a few weeks' time.

Bandana Dee had accepted all these facts. He was very happy about them. "Dedede faces" were repulsive and immoral.

But Bandana Dee had not accepted that the noise of construction would disturb him.

_GLLLRRRR..._

"Mitchizuka. I swear. To my bandana. If you are making those snoring sounds I will—"

"Chill, okay, Bandana? That _wasn't_ me!" Mitchizuka yelped from across the room, voice muffled because Bandana Dee had adamantly shoved the pillow over his head.

"Then go investigate it! Now!"

"I _know_ what it is! It's the construction! They're gathering all the nocturnal workers and fixing all those ugly faces! Midori is working there too!"

"Then _make them shut up_!"

"_How_."

Bandana Dee bolted upright with so much force that his pillow was sent flying towards Mitchizuka's face. "Fine, you stupid wuss! I'll go!"

"PMS much?"

"Don't 'PMS much' my face, ungodly coward."

"Cowards are _always_ ungodly."

"Yeah, but you're _more_."

* * *

**20 April 2014 SGT**

'Kay I'm a lazy butt I didn't update yesterday when I was supposed to soooo

Anyways, boring chapter _again_. Just to let you know that Bandana Dee (does not PMS and) enjoys his sleep. Very much. If I hadn't clearly made that point in 100 Ways of Ridding of Boredom.

Guest Replies

**taco999o999**: As you can see, I didn't plan on continuing the party. But food fights can be done in future.

_**Next Update: Tomorrow (21 April SGT)**_


	7. They Drink Coffee as a Break

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Seven: They Drink Coffee as a Break**

_Bandana Dee and Mitchizuka often sit on the benches in the Minion Hallways in their free periods with coffee._

* * *

"...and Haddle flipped that time."

"Well, _duh_. Haddle's _always_ flipping. When I spilled toothpaste on the sink and Haddle was in the room teaching Midori about some medical crap, he went directly to rage mode on me." Mitchizuka took a sip and watched as a Transporter zoomed by. "I haven't gotten much sleep either these days, so I didn't take it well and we started arguing. It broke when Midori announced he needed to poop and we were arguing in the bathroom so we left."

"That explains why you're so grumpy," Bandana Dee muttered. "You need to get more sleep or we'll have a second Haddle. Having one is bad enough. Haddle is a lot better than R. Bonkers, and he has good intentions, but he's too snappish and ill-tempered for us to get anything nice out of him."

_Sip._

Bandana Dee swung his feet absentmindedly. "Hey, I heard that there's a new bakery along our hallway. I don't remember the name, but Wildfire's working there. As a baker. She doesn't _usually_ over-bake things." Usually.

"If we ever need cakes or doughnuts, I'll remember to beg for a discount." _Sip._ "Although, Wildfire can be a Haddle, so hopefully we can find a good day to."

"Mm-hm." Bandana Dee tossed his empty can into the dustbin. It fell in perfectly. Score. "Oh, did Kirby inform you about the change of the Minion Hallways?"

"Nope."

_Sip._

"Well, he dropped by the day before yesterday, and I think you were out patrolling or removing the ugly Dedede faces. Either way, he informed me our hallway is now named Waddle-0056. Room's 4742. He's sorting out the Minion Hallways by our species, which is a smart thing. R. Bonkers can't pick on us anymore."

"Well, even if he could, we'd just give Haddle a ring and let R. Bonkers feel his fury. Besides, Haddle once told me that slapping R. Bonkers is a good stress relief." Mitchizuka tossed his can into the dustbin. The can bounced around the dustbin's inner rim before dropping inside fully.

"_Ha_! I _so_ knew you couldn't beat mine! Your aim is _horrible_!"

"Shush, you! This isn't a basketball game!"

"Yeah, but it's a dustbin-can game! We throw the cans into the dustbin, get it? And I won because _mine_ didn't have to bounce like a stupid _spring_ before _actually_ landing in! And—_ow, gosh, Mitchi! That_ **_hurt_**_!_"

"Good, it's supposed to!"

"Okay, that's it. The next time I buy a hot coffee it's going at your face, mister."

"Yeah, _I'm_ the one with a badass eye electricity! Not gonna work, buddy."

"Then I'll just call Haddle or something! That one's foolproof."

Mitchizuka rolled his eye and jumped off the bench. "Yeah, yeah, I'll make sure to get my insurance and everything. My break's almost over, and I've got patrolling crap to do. See ya."

Bandana Dee nodded, yelling a, "_Bye_!" after his friend, before leaping off the bench towards the vending machine and buying himself one more can of coffee.

* * *

**24 April 2014 SGT**

O-_kay_, before you guys go apeshit on me, I have a _valid _reason for not updating. I have a _fever_ which gives me a _headache_ which makes me feel like sleeping for an entire week. But I typed a chapter anyways. Needless to say, I'm feeling _less_ shitty. Still shitty, but less.

So, to make things more stable, I'll be posting the "Next Update" on the summary, but it won't appear _now_, because I have no idea when the next update is gonna come because I don't know when I'm going to get better (unfortunately).

You'll have to deal without my sheer kickassery for the moment. (I mean, seriously, I am so tired that my fingers are so slow and this chapter took **thirty minutes** how)


	8. Definition

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Eight: Definition**

_In which Mitchizuka scrawls down the definition of a "Haddle"._

* * *

They had been assigned to study groups since Kirby insisted they all study on new things. They were grouped to the usual group they had, the four of them cooped up in a corner of the library and reading (more like blankly staring at) books. Bandana Dee had termed himself the leader and was taking care of everything.

"Can I take a break?" Mitchizuka whined, smoothing out a creased page on his workbook.

"You asked that ten minutes ago. No."

"But _Bandana_—"

"No. Now go get this book." Throwing the workbook at him with the title of another book displayed, Bandana Dee kept up his pace.

"You're throwing a tantrum!" Mitchizuka snapped.

"So are you," Midori pointed out.

"Midori, I thought we—" Mitchizuka caught his words. "Whose side are you on?"

"...I was on a side?"

After much bickering and slapping and hitting, Haddle returned with a book. Upon the sight of the two squawking spheres of fury, Haddle dropped the dictionary on both of their heads to shut them up effectively. Bandana Dee kicked Mitchizuka from under the table and made him shoo off to find whatever he needed to find.

"Too many words in a dictionary," Midori muttered as he flipped over the pages. "I get dizzy."

"You don't look like it," Haddle observed dryly.

"But I _am_!" Midori insisted and shut the dictionary. "I think I work better with online dictionaries."

"Who doesn't? I mean, _most_ do, but some don't—" There Bandana Dee went with his "we must include all creatures and cannot round off things".

Mitchizuka returned, and Haddle left. The Waddle Doo proceeded to search the dictionary for a word, but paused abruptly. "Hey, Bandana Dee, I can't find a word."

"Well, what word is it?" Without waiting for a reply, Bandana Dee continued, "Just write down the word then write down the definition you _think_ it is and I'll get back to you. Midori, two times three isn't thirty-three."

"Sure it is! Two times three is three doubled so it's _thirty-three_!" The way Midori made it really made it sound like he was right, but it was still wrong. Bandana Dee slapped his forehead and proceeded to give Midori a thirty-minute lecture on it.

By the time he was done, Mitchizuka had written down his word and definition, and ran to the bathroom for a "short pee break". Haddle wasn't back yet, and Midori was mulling over the fact that two times three was six.

**_Haddle*_**

_Supernatural force of highly destructive power._

_*anomaly_

Retrieving his pen from the ceramic cup on the table, he scrawled down, "Accurate."

* * *

**30 April 2014 SGT**

[Dead Fish has risen from its dead status!]

Laziness: The quality of being unwilling to work or use energy.

Next update tomorrow.


	9. Still Kicked Anyway

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Nine: Still Kicked Anyway**

_Midori's attempts of waking Mitchizuka up results in violence._

* * *

First of May.

Spring.

And for some reason, it was _freezing_.

Mitchizuka had taken refuge under his thin blanket (Bandana Dee planned on going to a fabric shop soon to browse for bandanas and buy them better bedsheets &c) and refused to get out of bed. Not even if Midori was kicking him senseless in the side.

"Wake—"

Another blow to his side. Midori kicked hard. Mitchizuka was a sturdy thing. He wondered how long they would last.

"—_up_!"

Mitchizuka did not move.

Midori yanked the sheets off of him.

"_Midori_!" Mitchizuka screeched, bolting upright and glaring at the offender with a sleepy eye. The green Waddle Doo huffed, throwing the blanket somewhere over at the desk near Bandana Dee's bed.

"Happy birthday unpleasant peasant," Midori snapped, spinning on his heel and storming out of the bedroom. Today was a break day for most of the castle, so none of them were actually doing duties. Even Haddle could take a break from all his patients (in the event that they were dying of something fatal, they were allowed to charge into their dormitory, though).

Midori's word sunk in gradually and Mitchizuka bolted out into the living room, screaming, "_Holy crap it's my birthday today!_"

"He forgot," Haddle stated. Bandana Dee nodded.

"Don't worry, he always does. He forgot last year and the year before," Bandana Dee informed Haddle. The winged Waddle Dee was not amused. "I got him an alarm clock last last year, and a calendar last year so he wouldn't forget, but he does anyway."

"Well, I swore it was Haddle kicking me awake at first, but I realised Haddle wouldn't give a crap about me waking up so I discovered it _must_ be Midori, and Midori can't be bothered to wake me up in a normal occasion either!"

"But you still didn't know," Haddle said flatly.

"Not until Midori actually said it, but now I do!"

"I went to the fabric shop earlier this morning!" Bandana Dee piped up. "They didn't have any nice bandanas or anything, but I could get some new blankets. Midori's had a huge hole in it and there wasn't much of a point keeping it, and mine was so thin that it barely did me any good, so new blankets it is. Midori also made a trip to a cheap shop somewhere and got you something. Haddle just got some doughnuts because you don't actually need anything else apart from food, so."

Bandana Dee had a stack of cloth beside him. Mitchizuka assumed it was the blankets he spoke of.

"And try not to break this by today!" Midori threw something at the Waddle Doo; a brown satchel with a small picture of a Waddle Doo sewed onto it.

Suddenly, Haddle straightened. "Midori, weren't you taking care of the pancakes?"

"Huh? ...Oh, yeah, why?"

"You've left them alone for a bit," Haddle informed him curtly. "You said waking the buffoon up wouldn't take up too much time, so I let you wake him up, but have you tended to it yet?"

Bandana Dee had to wet their old blankets and save their sorry rears.

* * *

**1 May 2014 SGT**

So I was thinking Mitchizuka needed _something_ to make him different from other Waddle Doos, and giving a satchel out of the blue is like throwing cheese in your face for no reason, so birthday it is. Plus, since Mitchizuka and I are both lazy and sloppy in our work, we have the same birthday month. I am a genius.

Oh and I just want to say for the majority of my readers who go on begging for reviews_, _how is _anything_ going to work if you don't review things yourselves? I don't even know why I bother.

Next update is unconfirmed so I'm going to put a pretty little question mark in the next update section. Most likely tomorrow, but things may happen.


	10. Buying Food

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Ten: Buying Food**

_Bandana Dee buys dinner and harasses things.  
_

* * *

It was by chance that Minura met Bandana Dee at the food section of the mini market at Castle Dedede (which is to be renamed very soon).

At first, Minura hid from Bandana Dee behind a food shelf, but was eventually accidentally shoved by some other minion. After a quick apology, the Bronto Burt left, but Bandana Dee had discovered Minura's location.

"Oh, Minura! Fancy meeting you here! ...Or not," Bandana Dee muttered sheepishly. "They're out of stock of udon, and Mitchi _wanted_ udon, and Spaggy ran out of everything that Mitchi likes!"

"It must be t-tough?" Minura squeaked, unsure of what to say (well, duh, he's the chicken of the century).

"No, Mitchi is the only fussy eater, and Haddle makes him eat it anyway." With a thoughtful pause, Bandana Dee tilted his head. "Hm, we got olive rice the last time and he didn't complain..."

"What does Mitchizuka like?"

"Nothing." Bandana Dee folded his arms. "He's the only one with weird tastes! He says bitter things are okay, but sour things cannot exist, and too spicy things are bad! ...I don't even get it! That's just _so_ stupid."

"Maybe he needs food training?"

"...Food training?" This time, Bandana Dee turned to stare at Minura. "Ooh, what's that? Is it some kind of super training that helps to improve one's picky-ness? ...I'm going to search it up later."

Which Minura would be in total crap if he did that, he only heard of food training once and that was when the Waddle Dee was high (or something to that effect).

"Um... well, sure!"

Bandana Dee had turned back to the counter (which Spaggy was currently tending to) and said, "Four boxes of olive rice, then."

Minura felt the need to hurry up and escape from all sorts of crowd (...claustrophobia?) but Bandana Dee managed to drag him along all over the castle. He insisted. At the end of the day, Bandana Dee bought orange juice in a can from a vending machine for himself, and by some unlucky chance, when Minura slotted his coin in, the vending machine jammed up. Bandana Dee lightheartedly joked that it was Minura's clumsiness. To which Minura agreed with. Fully.

* * *

**2 May 2014 SGT**

Short break: 12 May - 16 May. SGT, as always.

Next update still unsure. Probably tomorrow, but I won't say a hundred-percent.

**shadow kirby 56**: Can say "happy birthmonth"

**Nashew**: By being in Castle Dedede. Be in it for too long and you may forget your own name.


	11. Stereotypical

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Eleven****: Stereotypical**

_Bandana Dee proves that Waddle Dees are not just for decoration._

* * *

Being a Waddle Dee had many of its perks, and many of its setbacks, and even though Bandana Dee tried his best to ignore the setback bits, it got annoying.

A Fire Lion nearly ate him once and claimed that Bandana Dee was only worth for being lunch. That wasn't too long ago, and Haddle was around, and... well.

(The Law of Haddle: Bad things happen.)

It upset him, actually! Waddle Dee were _completely_ capable of defending themselves! ...Just not others.

It was during his break time, and Mitchizuka was still on duty, and on days when Bandana Dee couldn't sit around and drink coffee (or sometimes tea) and throw drinks into the rubbish bin and gloat at Mitchizuka, he wandered around the Minion Hallways and checked out the stores. He usually settled for the cafe at the last bits of his break. Coffee was a wonderful creation.

He was sitting at a table and drinking coffee when he snapped.

Or rather, a stupid Fire Lion decided he wanted to be beaten up by a thing which did not usually beat people up but was sick of being treated like crap and would beat someone up.

It shoved him (deliberately—through years of experience, Bandana Dee knew nothing pushed him so forcefully and was accidental) and Bandana Dee didn't even need to hear what it had to say before he threw his coffee in its face.

"_Hey_! What do you think y—"

"What do _you_ think you're doing, you stupid crapass?" Bandana Dee demanded, leaping out of his chair. (For those who are wondering, the cup was made of paper, so it won't cost anything if it's broken. Because they can't use it again anyway.) "You think that _I'm_ going to stand for all this bullshit? Unlikely, Sir, so do make your way out of the door, because as far as I'm concerned, I have done _nothing_ against you to make you act so hostile towards me. You have absolutely no reason for your action. At all. So leave. Now."

The Fire Lion hissed and bent its limbs. "Well, what do you think you're—"

"I think _I've_ stood for enough bullshit. Don't you think so? And now, before I have to make you, leave!" Teamed with a (highly) painful jab in the face, Bandana Dee held his spear in a fighting stance.

After some coaxing and comforting from others, the Fire Lion snarled and left.

_Chicken_, Bandana Dee nearly yelled after him, but decided against it. And hey, he did get a free cup of coffee for the apparently amazing display of something. (And the floor was clean for free, too.)

* * *

**6 May 2014 SGT**

You know my friend said something really really stupid the other day. Because the entire level is madly obsessed with books for some strange reason I cannot begin to comprehend (makes it weird when you realise when you're the _only_ gamer in the entire level? It is so so sad) and my friend called me a person of no fandom and I being in a really crappy mood said something along the lines of "omg did u kno that i am in the kirby fandom?" and she said that Kirby

is not a fandom.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIRBY IS NOT A FANDOM YOU RETARD IT HAS WADDLE DEES AND WADDLE DEES ARE THE MOST AMAZING CREATURES INVENTED YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS YOU FILTHY COWARD

kthxbye

(Next update hopefully tomorrow. And I need to stop typing these long chunks of ranting. Really.)


	12. Aiming Skills

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby  
**

**Chapter Twelve: Aiming Skills**

_Haddle hits hard and needs to remember to aim._

* * *

"—Midori! Don't stop! Do push-ups! Now!"

"I think I'll die before it!" Midori cried, flopping on the ground. Scowling, Haddle kicked him in the eyeball. "Ow! Fine, fine, fine, fine! A hundred! On the floor! Okay!"

"Haddle, this is torture. You're murdering us," Bandana Dee muttered, scooting off to the bathroom to go splash water on his face.

"You're wimps, what can I do?"

"I am _not_ a wimp!" Mood-swing-y Midori was a dangerous Midori. Splattering purple goo from his tail, Midori kicked up a fuss and began arguing with Haddle. Haddle, Supreme Arguer and will take no nonsense, dismissed it and kicked Midori back into shape.

Frightening creature.

After Bandana Dee came back from soaking himself in water in the sink of the toilet, he slouched and yawned. "It's nearly lunchtime, and we've been working for this since five. In the morning. And it's nearly one now."

"I said it's not my fault you're wimps," Haddle quipped, before telling Mitchizuka he could go buy a drink from a vending machine and Midori that he could have a break. "Anyways, if you don't mind, I need to go make sure R. Bonkers is doing whatever I told him to."

Bandana Dee blanched. "Um. What _did_ you tell him to do?"

Shrugging indifferently, Haddle replied, "Nothing that'll kill him."

Which wasn't very reassuring to Bandana Dee. At all.

"Haddle, you're going to kill all of us someday. Not that it's a bad thing. I'd rather die by a comrade than an enemy. But still. It's bad to kill anyone _at all_. You don't have a right to. _Really_." Bandana Dee was firing words at random, basically; his mood had shifted into a panicked one even if R. Bonkers was a jerk and deserved to have his ass ripped into two and be barbecued.

"Are you _implying_ that you're too weak to do this simple exercises?"

"Oh. My. _Goodness_. _What_ exercises have you been doing since young, Haddle?"

"These kind of stuff."

"Hey, I—" a gruff voice called from behind Haddle. Bandana Dee looked up and sighed. In relief.

Too lazy to deal with them now, Haddle replied without turning around, "Go back and do whatever you were doing. I'm talking. You can ask me stuff later. Anyways, it didn't kill me so it shouldn't kill you either, Bandana Dee. You're fine, you know. After this, we can have lunch break and then a bit of rest and we'll get back to exercising."

"This is scary," Bandana De muttered under his breath. "It's Life-Threatening Haddle Exercising Sessions. I don't know why Kirby said this was a good idea."

"I'm done doing my stuff and—"

"I said keep quiet and leave us alone for a bit," Haddle bit back, again not bothering to turn around. "It's not life-threatening. I'll make sure you don't die. Even if you come pretty close to."

"Can't ya just—"

"'Come close to'? Haddle, what if I'm put under critical condition? _You'll_ have to feed me _horrible_ medicine!" Suddenly aghast, Bandana Dee reeled back.

"Blame your wimpy status, not me."

"For the sake of—"

"Can't _you_ just _shut_ _up_?!" Haddle roared, before using his foot and striking backwards. An abrupt yelp from Bandana Dee, a shriek from Mystery Person Behind Haddle, and a burst-out laughter from Midori.

"Oh—my—_gosh_!" Midori cried, forgetting his push-ups and rolling on the floor instead (it left what Haddle deemed 'sweat tracks', but now he was too engrossed in their conversation to care). "Right—in—t-the—nads!"

"Haddle!" Bandana Dee was horrified and stepped backwards several paces. "Now R. Bonkers can't have children! What have you _done_?"

It took Haddle less than a second to realise what they were saying.

It also took Haddle less than a second to make the most uncaring response: "Oh, really."

* * *

**8 May 2014 SGT**

Also, because this happened recently, I'd like to say if you borrow any of the materials from this fanfiction or my other fanfictions (material e.g.: The Place, characters, what the minions do and stuff), **you will have to inform me**. Not just _informing_; you'll have to **get my permission**, too. And once _that's_ that, you'll have to place credit, because if you take _my_ fabulous idea and claim it as your own, I will shred your ass apart.

No update tomorrow. Hopeful update this Saturday but I really don't know.

Replies

**taco999o999**: It's fine. ^^ By the way, your idea will be before chapter 20, promise.

**Nashew**: They don't even have a stupid 3DS to do multiplayer. Frustrating.


	13. Teatime Threats

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Thirteen: Teatime Threats**

_Midori has many friends._

* * *

"Zephyr and Peap are coming over," Midori announced.

Bandana Dee glared from where he was sitting. "_Since when_. I mean, _why_."

"What's wrong with them coming over? They're fun people, and I've known them for ages!" Midori whined. "Besides, if it helps you, we haven't seen each other in three years and it's time to catch up!"

"...Peap?" With a musing tilt of his head, Haddle paused in his reading of the newspaper. "...Peap came to the clinic. Once. With Zephyr. He was injured, I think, but Zephyr wouldn't tell me why."

"I don't think you need to know, either," Midori curtly informed.

When they came over, Bandana Dee made sure to slouch in his seat and pretend not to bother. It was weird staring at people whom he didn't know, to say the least. It greatly disturbed him.

Peap was a common Waddle Dee with no special traits; Zephyr was a white puffball with pitch black feet and carried a suspicious lace parasol with the same colouring as herself.

Mitchizuka sat opposite Bandana Dee with a grumpy frown.

"They're hogging the table."

"Let them be."

"How've you been, Peap?" Midori asked brightly.

"Obviously not fine!" Haddle cried from the kitchen. "He visited my clinic with _injuries_! He's obviously doing really bad or something!"

"It was an accident," Zephyr replied with a composed smile. "It probably won't happen again, if Peap is careful."

Peap nodded wordlessly.

"Why do we have _seven_ bottles of oolong tea?!" Haddle demanded from the kitchen. Bandana Dee slid the newspaper off his face.

"Because Mitchi wanted that much!" he replied, staring at the Waddle Doo accusingly. Mitchizuka shrugged and continued scanning over the pages of his book before quickly flipping the page.

"...Oolong tea, was it?" Zephyr turned to the kitchen _still_ with a smile (it was creepy to Bandana Dee. _Really_ creepy). "Peap, go and help me get one."

Peap choked on the cake he had been eating, and Midori took on a concerned expression. "W-Well, Zeph—"

"_Oolong tea_." This time with another smile which carried a hidden message:_ get it now you arse._

Swallowing, Peap slid off the table and raced to the kitchen.

Bandana Dee thought it was a good choice to stay in the chair and pretend he didn't exist. And he was right.

* * *

**13 May 2014**** SGT:** Pretty much needless to say, Zephyr can make people do things without even lifting a finger.

**Also I'll be gone until the 16 because of tests and studying and all that shmud. Is liddat.**

By the way, I'm using my brother's computer (which I hate because I'm not used to the keyboard it's bigger than the one I usually use but my sis is hogging it) and it is the strangest and most elusive thing I have ever come across. It underlines all the italics in red (meaning they say that it's misspelled).

Strange.


	14. Cells and Cabbages

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Fourteen: Cells and Cabbages**

_Bandana Dee is a stingy Waddle Dee._

* * *

"Look, I'm going to go and give Dedede his food and whoever would like to accompany me can," Bandana Dee declared, swinging a cloth bag absentmindedly. (Okay, he nearly hit the flower vase with no flowers in it, but Haddle was going to throw it out soon.)

"What food did you get?" Midori asked curiously, hopping to his side. (Translation: _I'm tagging along but I think you know already anyway._)

"Nothing fancy." Bandana Dee was brilliant at being vague.

They ended up all going down to visit Dedede. Haddle was trying to make his staff more independent and make Spaggy attempt to play doctor for a while. (Spaggy was a magician. If he failed and nearly killed the patient with the normal medical things, he could use his magic.)

The cells were dark, dirty, and smelly. Bandana Dee kept a firm grip on his bandana to keep it from falling off. Midori was literally jumping off the walls, and Mitchizuka shrieked and tried to avoid him, while Haddle trailed behind and was darkly muttering about them being annoying and Haddle-like things.

"We're here," Bandana Dee announced, kicking open the door towards another hallway of cells. A Waddle Dee and a Waddle Doo were sitting on some chairs and talking and gossiping and all those synonyms. They were guards, of course; there were guards in every hallway. There was another door leading to another hallway of cells, Bandana Dee supposed, but he wouldn't bother to check.

"Are you taking over?" the Waddle Doo asked, spinning his rifle around. Bandana Dee didn't like rifles—they were loud and noisy. Mitchizuka liked shooting things, but Bandana Dee had banned him from keeping a rifle, so the Waddle Doo just rented one for the day (it was _really_ cheap to) and wandered around with it when he was on duty.

"Yep." Bandana Dee had taken the initiative to reply; Midori was busy fascinating himself with the floor ("Wow, it's so disgusting!") and Mitchizuka was looking at the floor with him and Haddle was still lamenting about stupid fools and stupid friends and stupid universes.

"A confirmation card, please?" the Waddle Dee prompted, stretching out his hand (the one that wasn't holding a rif—yeek! Why were there so many rifles today?). Bandana Dee poked Mitchizuka's side, and Mitchizuka jumped, then nodded, and pulled it out of his satchel. It was a blank white card that read _"GUARD(S) ON DUTY". _And then it had Kirby's signature on the bottom left corner. "All right, we're leaving, Quili."

The Waddle Doo nodded and they scampered out of the hallway.

"It's a Dedede—oh, wow." Midori was suddenly fascinated by his own words and the (overoveroverweight) penguin turning to face them with a dreary expression. "Oh. Oh. Oh. _Wow_. That's the first time that I've called Your Idiocy by his proper and him not yelling my head off."

"He's not the king anymore, he doesn't have the authority to," Haddle reminded grumpily. "Bandana Dee, go and feed him whatever you brought. When does our shift end?"

"It's only an hour!" Mitchizuka piped up. Bandana Dee nodded in agreement, before drawing something out from the plastic bag and rolling it through the gap in which a tray of food was _supposed_ to be slid through for the prisoner.

Midori was amazed. "...You brought him a cabbage? Okay, he was a mean jerk and all and he deserves to die, but don't you think Dedede deserves more than a _cabbage_?"

Bandana Dee shrugged nonchalantly and watched as Dedede attempted to unwrap the cabbage (he'd never done any unwrapping before, he always had one of the minions do it for him). "Kirby said they gave Dedede a big breakfast so he only has to eat something light."

"I don't think that's how it works," Haddle informed him curtly, looking up from his preening.

They talked and sometimes told Dedede what was happening, and the penguin responded with sneers and "Oh really?"s and stopped when Haddle threatened to snap off his beak.

Bandana Dee also caught Dedede reluctantly shoving food into his mouth. What was _his_ problem? Cabbage was nice!

When the next guards came for their duty, they stood up to leave, and Haddle stiffened slightly.

"What's wrong? ..._Bugs_!" Midori suddenly realised and began shrieking and flying out of the corridor.

"No," Haddle scoffed although Midori had already flown off into the sunset. "I heard something. Anyway, it's probably just one of those stupid prisoners complaining. Let's go."

* * *

**15 May 2014 SGT:** Everyone says _"it's just my imagination"_ but Haddle does it better. (He doesn't like to think that it's his imagination. He's too arrogant to think his senses are growing strange.)

Anyways, you know about the break? Yes? (You would've if you've been _reading_ the author's note...) Well, it seems that I write chapters when I'm trying to escape from studying. Is liddat.

...No, it's not like that, but I just will do _anything_ but study.

Also, as a curious question: Which browser do you use?


	15. Devil Doughnuts

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Fifteen: Devil Doughnuts**

_Bandana Dee is a bit too superstitious for his own good._

* * *

Being at the dormitory was so boring, Bandana Dee decided. Boring things should not be allowed to live. So he wandered off outside and explored the Minion Hallways.

First stop… uh, dunno.

The bakery where Wildfire worked. Ah. Yes. Bandana Dee was a genius.

"_Doughnuts_!" He brought Mitchizuka along, too. How thoughtful of him. Mitchizuka hopped, staring at the shelves and other food things. "Sugary things! I love my life!" he cried, swinging his stubs around wildly.

"I'll kick you out of the store if you cause too much of a ruckus," Wildfire reminded casually. "And you'll have to _pay_ for those doughnuts."

Mitchizuka whined and frowned, but placed the doughnut back. Then he turned to Bandana Dee with a fierce look in his gaze. Like I'm-so-pumped-for-this gaze.

Bandana Dee was creeped out slightly. "Uh… yes?"

"I'm going to buy those doughnuts." After a pause and a glance at the ring-shaped pastry, Mitchizuka continued, "Chocolate."

The Waddle Dee nearly slapped Waddle Doo in the face. "Okay. All right. That's nice to know. As long as you don't blast all of your money in the bakery. Don't forget, _you're_ buying the supplies next week." They took turns to buy supplies for their dormitory and this week was Bandana Dee's turn. Next would be Mitchizuka's turn. And if Mitchizuka couldn't buy supplies, Haddle would hunt him down and make him pay for it.

Luckily, Mitchizuka huffed. "Of course I won't! I'm buying just one for myself. There are things better than doughnuts, anyway." After seeing Bandana Dee's disapproving look ("things better than doughnuts"? _Ridiculous_. Fool), the Waddle Doo shrugged. "Um, jelly doughnuts."

Bandana Dee suddenly beamed. "Ah. But those are still doughnuts, aren't they? They're just filled with jelly. Let's not be silly."

"I am not being silly."

"Don't be silly! Of course you're being silly." Bandana Dee poked at a bun and picked it up. "I'll have this. Oh, do you think Didi would want anything?"

"Um." After taking a look around, Mitchizuka shrugged. "The crazy thing is okay with anything."

"You know, if Midori heard you say that…"

"He doesn't mind being called crazy by us. It's only people like R. Bonkers." And the last time R. Bonkers happened to call Midori crazy, he got stuck in Haddle's clinic for… well, one month? Two months? "Ooh, what are those?"

Wildfire glanced at Mitchizuka lazily. "What are what?"

"Those… stuff. They look like jelly doughnuts." Wildfire didn't say anything, which was a prompt for Mitchizuka to continue describing them. "But… they're red, and they have… uh, smiley faces on them. It's a bit creepy."

"They look like devil doughnuts!" Bandana Dee shrieked. The icing was red, and there was gloopy black stuff on it to make a smiley face. "Um…why are you selling these, Wildfire? Um, promotion to satanic rituals? I don't approve."

"No," Wildfire scoffed with the you're-an-idiot tone. "It's nearly the day Dedede became king. We had some sort of vote, and most votes said they wanted us to bake a devil-like pastry thing, so we have doughnuts."

"_Jelly_ doughnuts," Mitchizuka corrected.

Wildfire effectively shut him up with a glare.

Bandana Dee suddenly slammed his cash on the counter with the bun he had taken. "Mitchizuka take your doughnut we are getting out of this place now," Bandana Dee said at bullet speed. The Waddle Doo blinked, but complied, and they walked out of the bakery. Really fast.

"Why, what happened?" Mitchizuka questioned, bouncing along Bandana Dee.

"Those buns." Bandana Dee visibly bristled. "They're _cursed_."

* * *

**16 May 2014 SGT:** Cursed with the Dedede-ness, maybe.

next stop more food adventures


	16. Must Be Left Undamaged

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Sixteen: Must Be Left Undamaged**

_Haddle's things should be taped up with caution tape, placed in a box with a 'fragile' reading, and left under very good care._

* * *

The food court was quiet.

Sure, people were chatting, but quieter than normal.

Bandana Dee saw R. Bonkers, a rare occurrence, since he rarely saw the gorilla anymore. He was probably up to something. Whatever. Bandana Dee didn't really care.

"Well, look who decided to show his face," Midori snapped. No energy bars for the grumpy Midori, no happiness. R. Bonkers turned to face him, naturally.

"Whaddya want?" he demanded.

"Huh? I didn't say it was _you_, y'know." Midori's tail lashed irritably behind him. Of course he meant R. Bonkers, but he was simply being too sarcastic to annoy R. Bonkers and everyone else. "Go back to whatever miserable hole you came out of."

"What do ya—"

"I want _you_ to _shut up_. And let me eat in peace." Grumpy Midori never really made any sense, but as long as it didn't disturb Bandana Dee, Bandana Dee would live.

R. Bonkers threw his tray of food at Midori.

Midori sat there before exploding.

"_You jerk_!" he shrieked. "_You wanna get ugly? **Let's get**__** ugly**!_" And then overturned the table of food onto R. Bonkers. Haddle was typing away at his computer which happened to be not on the table, so he wasn't perturbed. At all. Though, Mitchizuka was.

"My orange juice!" And then, right afterwards, "You are _so_ dead, R. Bonkers!"

"But _he_ was the one who _did_ it!" R. Bonkers retorted.

"But you _provoked_ him to do it!"

Cue food fight. Bandana Dee, at first, tried to stay away, but when he got spaghetti in his face, he flipped. He grabbed an innocent can of tuna that was mysteriously by Haddle's side and flung it at random. Sure, he got a pie in his face, but it was blueberry-flavoured. Those ones were okay.

Then R. Bonkers made the mistake of throwing his quiche at Haddle's laptop.

The continuous _tap tap tap_ Haddle had been making had mysteriously stopped. Bandana Dee crept over, waving a hand in front of Haddle before pushing some buttons on the keyboard. Then he stared at the screen, where Haddle had been making a document. Then he clicked again. No words came out. The screen had hung.

"...He was typing all day of today and yesterday and the day before..." Bandana Dee heard Peap squeak from behind.

It was followed by Zephyr's signature silvery giggle. "Well, that's not good."

"_YOU LITTLE PILE OF FECES!_" Haddle shrieked, jumping up and glaring straight at R. Bonkers, wings outstretched and turned to steel. "_YOU ARE GOING TO PAY **HELL** FOR THAT!_"

"It was a document for some medicine thing," Midori curtly informed Bandana Dee.

The remaining food was hurled at Haddle's target, and done successfully. R. Bonkers smelled of a mixture of pie, spaghetti, pizza, porridge, broccoli, and cake for the next few weeks.

* * *

**20 May 2014**** SGT**:Idea by **taco999o999**. And well I forgot to upload this the first time. (Genius.)

Haddle likes food fights—just not when they involve his fragile stuff.

Oh, and, I _finally_ got Triple Deluxe and finished it in some one day. The story mode, at least. I haven't bothered with Dedede Tour. Yet. It's weird because _everyone_ was squealing over it and it is not that squeal-worthy.

On the bad side, you'll have less updates because I'll be playing it.


	17. Bubble Pipe Dreams

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Seventeen: Bubble Pipe Dreams**

_Midori has a pipe dream of bubble tails._

* * *

"So, you wanted tea?" Bandana Dee prompted.

"Water works." Translation: _tea's fine but I'm just being polite._ Bandana Dee shifted in his seat uneasily. "Relax. I'm not going to hit you."

Of course Kirby wouldn't hit _anyone_ without a valid reason. "Uh, okay."

"Then why did you come?" No matter who it was, Haddle was always rude. Always.

"I just needed some confirmation on your species. It won't take too long." Kirby looked blankly down at his untouched cake. "So, Bandana Dee, you're a waddle dee, if I remember correctly."

"Yep."

"And Haddle is a healer." An abrupt nod. "And Mitchizuka is a waddle doo." Nod. "…All right, now Midori is a—well, it's not in the records."

Bandana Dee butted over rather inelegantly. "What?" he demanded, scanning over the list. "Why is Midori's species _smudged off_?"

Kirby shrugged nonchalantly. "Might have been one of the minions. I called one of them to retrieve the information files."

"He spilled water on such an important thing?" Haddle scoffed, clearly unimpressed. "He should be fired. Banned forever."

"No, it's fine. I was planning on making new information files anyway; these ones are pretty old, aren't they?" Kirby thoughtfully fingered the smudged area. "Well, you might as well tell me what Midori's species is right now. I'll take notes and go and look into it by myself."

"I'm a scoroo!" Midori exclaimed proudly. "I'm an awesome scoroo!"

Kirby nodded, jotting it down. (Bandana Dee was amazed at Kirby's handwriting. Whenever Bandana Dee wrote quickly, it was chicken scrawl. Kirby managed to write quickly _and_ neatly.) "Well, what about your tail? Waddle doo-like appearance?"

This time, Midori blinked. "What _about_ my tail?"

"Is it normal? Part of your species?"

"Umm." After a while of thinking, Midori nodded. "Yep! It is. Everybody from my species has this kind of tail. Though there are different colours."

"Then why is yours iridescent?" Haddle always made the chance to abuse someone's words.

"It's not iridescent, it's a bubble tail!" Midori protested.

"Stop fooling yourself."

"But bubbles are fun!"

"And your waddle doo-like appearance?" Kirby quickly asked.

"Oh, we're a hybrid." Mitchizuka shrugged. "A waddle doo and some experimental scorpion, dunno. Never paid attention before I moved to this castle."

"We're just calling it Castle," Kirby reminded. Their new name for Castle Dedede was going to take a long time to fit in. "Anyways, thank you for answering those questions, Mitchizuka. I'm going to have to talk with the others now, so I'll see you next time."

"Bubble tail," Midori reminded.

"You don't _have_ a bubble tail," Haddle spat. "Quit your pipe dreams."

* * *

**24 May 2014 SGT:** How cruel of you Haddle.

Before I start ranting, I'll let you know that my PMing system is going haywire; I can send some people PMs and some I can't. Those who are expecting a reply and haven't gotten one, either wait or bug me for my spare email.

All right, so I'm _assuming_ you know the EX levels in Triple Deluxe. Well, since I like to rush through everything then replay the game to get 100%, I _just_ got level 3 EX. Okay, quit looking at me like that, I'm slow because I have a life.

And you know in the snowy region, you can enter those igloos, right? Yes, yes you can. Nothing escapes the eye of TechnoDee.

To shorten my enthusiasm _THOSE WADDLE DEES IN THE IGLOO WERE ADORABLE I MUST WRITE A ONESHOT ABOUT THEM I MUST_

Also I don't capitalise species names anymore, you can probably see. They're not pronouns so they shouldn't be.


	18. History-Hating

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Eighteen: History-Hating**

_Midori hates history. A lot._

* * *

"_Aiiieeeeee_!"

"Midori… what—"

"Help help help help help _help_!" Midori wailed. Bandana Dee had paused in his walking. Zephyr and Peap stood by Bandana Dee, blinking continuously. "Our databanks!"

"Midori, I'm not a programmer." Zephyr's eyes suddenly lit up and Bandana Dee's remark.

Midori shook his head. "Nononono! This is awful! Our databanks are glitching out!"

"I just said I'm not a programmer and I don't think Zephyr or Peap can do any programming either—"

"Actually, I may be able to do something." Bandana Dee turned to blink at the puffball. "What happened?"

Midori didn't question Zephyr. "I don't know, there are a bunch of _weird_ codes and really weird symbols and stuff! Actually, now that I think about it, I _do_ know those weird symbols, but they're all in a row! Like the equal sign and the percentage sign, and all these funny signs!"

Zephyr twirled her parasol absentmindedly. "All right, then, why don't you show me?" Also meant: _I really don't know what you're saying so just show me_.

They headed down to one of the many rooms of many things which Bandana Dee didn't really get. He could use the camera room, but he definitely didn't get anything about programming. Peap freaked out at the machines. Midori pointed at a screen with green coding on it.

Which Bandana Dee agreed with, what the heck were those symbols on the screen, anyway?

"Ah, this is just some inserted files." Zephyr smiled brightly. (Still creepy.) "Your Majesty was redoing the information files, yes? He just made some new ones today."

"…Then why does it appear like this?" Evidently, Midori didn't get anything as he blankly stared at it.

"Oh, he just hasn't coded everything yet, that's all. He went for a break, didn't he?"

"…_Oh_. Right. He asked someone to code it but that someone kind of fainted." Midori shrugged. "He had a marching exercise earlier on. Can't blame him, Bandana Dee had too much sugar."

"I did _not_," Bandana Dee protested. "I had salty things for breakfast. Don't be ridiculous."

"No, you had lollipops," Midori retorted.

"They were salty _biscuits_, Midori, for goodness' sake, _you_ had lollipops for breakfast, not me!"

"…Really?"

"_Yes_."

"If you're done talking, I've finished up the coding." Zephyr smiled again (_still_ creepy). "Why don't you have a look at it? He modified Midori's information, a lot. Wouldn't you want to check if it is correct?"

Bandana Dee nodded and clicked on the file. (At this point, Peap had run out of the room because of the "scary machines". Zephyr would hunt him down later, anyway.) It got a bit too wordy, so he scrolled down and _pretended_ to check when he ran into an image.

He glanced over at where Midori was wrestling with a machine pincer. "…All your species is that kind of light green, right?"

"In my generation!" Midori confirmed.

"…Then why is this scoroo thing orange?"

"Oh. Right." Midori glanced over at the screen thoughtfully. "…Uh, scoroo _used_ to be eighty-percent waddle doo, but I think there was a point in time where we were experimented on..? It added some funky chemicals to our system, so bleh, I don't really get it. These older scoroo used to be able to fire lasers like waddle doos, too, but after the experiment we couldn't, but in exchange we have more liquids in our tail. We're zero-percent waddle doo now, but we still keep the appearance. I suppose the crazy scientist didn't tamper with that."

"…You don't sound very sure, you know," Zephyr said helpfully, smile uncertain.

"I _hate_ history."

* * *

**25 May 2014 SGT:** And bonus cookies to people who can infer what Zephyr's ability is.

What? Why do my characters have abilities? _All _of my characters have abilities, thank you very much. All right, Minura's an exception because he's supposed to be a wimp. Valid reason.

Replies

**taco999o999**: No problem! It saved me the brain usage, anyways.

**Nashew**: The waddle dees were adorable I can't even *breathes in paper bag*


	19. Radios and Jelly Beans

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Nineteen: Radios and Jelly Beans**

_Mitchizuka calls jelly beans his children only because that's how much he loves them._

* * *

Bandana Dee was at the living room of his dormitory with Haddle and Mitchizuka when Midori burst into the room and stalked to the kitchen. Feeling something was off, Bandana Dee checked the time—it was only two. Midori came back to the dormitory at _five_, usually.

"So, what happened?" Bandana Dee asked curiously.

"I dunno. I was working when one of those delivery dees were giving out some letter to every shop and the letter told me to stay in my room because something happened and no one should be wandering around at this kind of time." The refrigerator door swung open and Midori tore open a bag of jelly beans, sulkily eating it on a stool.

"I just had a look outside," Haddle piped up. "No one's in the Minion Hallways, even the transporters have stopped running."

The radio blared. "—now we have King Kirby to give out a special announcement." Mitchizuka instinctively turned up the volume, waiting the news eagerly as Midori furiously shoved jelly beans in his mouth.

"I'm terribly sorry for having to close down all the shops and force everyone into their rooms—" Kirby began.

"You _should_ be sorry," Midori's voice cut through. "Shame on you."

"_Midori_," Bandana Dee nagged, frowning.

"—was an outbreak of an illness that was just reported. Stay indoors."

"Why was I not informed?" Stiffening, Haddle gripped tightly on a nearby convenient pencil that was about to face its doom.

"…Um, because he didn't want you to get sick. Probably." Bandana Dee tried to calm Haddle down—it wasn't working.

"I'm a _healer_. I will not fall to such idiotic traps." Oh. Well. He just rubbed the wound with salt.

"Well, maybe this is a really bad illness!"

_Snap_. Oh, why must the cruel fate be upon you, o pencil? Poor you.

"I'm a _healer_," Haddle repeated, releasing the pencil that was now split into two. "If _I_ don't do the healing, _who_ will?"

"Please, Haddle," Midori mocked, stuffing another jelly bean into his mouth, "maybe he got sick of your elephant ego and decided to get someone else to do it."

"Hey, I have a suggestion: _shut up_. Unless you _want_ me to pull out that eyeball and tail of yours, that is. I'm more than willing to."

Mitchizuka yawned. Then he stared around the room. "Ah, whatever. We're just supposed to stay in our dormitories, right? I'm gonna go and head for the computer, then." He paused in his tracks. "…After I eat my jelly beans."

The scoroo on the stool tilted his head, as if he was not fuming and stuffing jelly beans into his mouth and sulking just five seconds ago. "…Jelly beans?"

"Yeah, my jelly beans. Why?"

"Ah, so those were _yours_. No wonder." After a satisfied nod, Midori continued shoving them into his mouth.

"…Holy—_you better leave my children alone you stupid lobster_!" Mitchizuka cried, leaping (flying) towards the kitchen to his stolen packet of sugar.

Then Haddle got mad when he saw Mitchizuka had bumped into his jar of pickles and dropped them, and then the three started some stupid sissy catfight or something to that effect. Bandana Dee turned the volume of the radio up and left them to claw their eyeballs out.

* * *

27 May 2014 SGT: And this begins the arc of mysterious viruses. So we'll do something fancy like:

Arc: The Virus of Un-Mystery

Anyways, I un-bolded the date that serves as the start of my author's note simply because I'm going by this rule: **bold** for highly important things and _italics_ for emphasis. I don't like using underline because I think it's highly unattractive so.

And I also have some capitalising and proper nouns business on my profile page. If you're feeling like a zombie and generally don't know what to do with your life, go and read it.


	20. The Great Stubbornness

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Twenty: The Great Stubbornness  
**

_Haddle always knows what's fishy._

* * *

Haddle got bored very fast.

"That's it. I'm out of here. Freaky illnesses don't just _suddenly_ get reported through a freaking radio and not one that has to make every shop and the freaking _clinic_ close down. I am going to the prison cells." Haddle dragged himself over to the door.

Mitchizuka flung himself over at Haddle and yanked at his wings. "No! You can't go, Haddle, that was Kirby's commands! What would be in the prison cells, anyway?"

The healer huffed. "Suspicious things. I saw R. Bonkers taking guard duty, and I don't trust him."

"None of us do," Bandana Dee reminded in a friendly manner. (Or _quite_ friendly.) "Haddle, stay in the dormitory."

"You're _not_ my _mother_."

"No, I'm not your _mother_, I'm your commander. Stay in the dormitory."

"_No_."

"Haddle—"

"Look." Haddle flung Mitchizuka off his wings and whipped round to glare full-on at the retaliating waddle dee. "There is something suspicious going on and if I find that there is another Bonkers revolution, R. Bonkers' dick is going and _I_ am going to take charge of that. I don't believe a random illness would pop out without _me_, the _number-one healer in the castle_, noticing. There would be more patients coming in, but the chart of patients have been the same as _always_."

Bandana Dee sighed, twirling his spear musingly. "Well, it does sound kinda suspicious, when you put it _that_ way, but I'm still not convinced you should go."

Haddle's glare didn't falter (Haddle's glare _never_ faltered). "You do know how Kirby works his system? If somebody reports a contagious illness that's highly dangerous, Kirby will tell everyone to stay in their rooms while he confirms it. He might be too late."

"I don't think that works that way."

"It _happens_. At least I have a working brain. Unlike you. In any case, I'm leaving, and if you feel like tagging along, feel free to do so." Haddle swung open the door and stalked out into the Minion Hallways.

Bandana Dee re-gripped his spear, nodded at the unusually silent Midori, and then dragged the other two out into the Minion Hallways and followed Haddle.

* * *

29 May 2014 SGT: Arc: The Virus of Un-Mystery

Filler because I'm too lazy to write some drama crap now. And I'm too lazy because I had a nap. And if I have a nap I'll feel to sluggish to do anything afterwards.

Though, if I _don't_ take a nap, I'll just be even sluggish-er, so it's a no-win situation.


	21. Squeaky-Clean Floors

**Minion: A Few Hundred ****Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Twenty-One: Squeaky-Clean Floors**

_Bandana Dee is a clean freak._

* * *

"Haaaaaaadle."

"No."

"I didn't even say anything," Midori whined, plodding after the healer sullenly. Haddle made no retaliation. "When are we gonna geeeet there?"

"If I tell you you'll stop drawling out your ridiculously drawled-out words."

The scoroo didn't even think twice. "Deal," he responded immediately.

"In a few minutes."

"That's not a good answer!"

"Then leave me alone."

"Whhaaaat."

Bandana Dee sighed, and Mitchizuka mimicked his action. "Look, let's not waste time. We came here solely to check on the bimbo for a gorilla, right? Let's just get this over with." Haddle turned around to glare at him momentarily. "What? There's hot chocolate waiting back at the dormitory. Can't miss that."

Too bad, Bandana Dee. You gave Haddle the wrong answer. "_Yes_, you _can_, if you _tried_, which you're _not_. Now you better shut your cakehole before I help you to it, and I'll make sure to add twenty-percent pain."

"Twenty-percent sugar sounds nicer," Bandana Dee muttered, but shut up all the same.

Bandana Dee didn't like being in the prison cells by himself. The prisoners looked like they might jump out anytime (which they might). Haddle simply ploughed through the corridors without giving a simple care and continued walking across the slimy floor.

Bandana Dee would wash his feet _very_ thoroughly later.

"D'you hear that?" Midori suddenly tensed up, glancing around. "…Maybe it's just my imagination?"

"Lies," Mitchizuka retorted. "I heard it, too."

"Heard _what_?" Bandana Dee looked around.

"Creaking noises." Midori's answer was extremely vague. Wow. Thank you.

"And footsteps." No, Mitchizuka, shut up and stop, Bandana Dee thought, it's getting creepy.

…Hm, why was his shadow so big? Was he that fat, or was is even his own shadow? Was Haddle flying above him?

…Oh. No. Crap.

Okay _so_ he managed to whirl around to see a grizzly bear thing swiping down at him only to get smacked square in the face by something… fast. Bandana Dee couldn't see.

"…B-Bandana Dee? A-Are you o-okay?" All right. Analysis one: Stuttering voice. Peap or Minura. Analysis two: Not excessively nervous. Minura couldn't have beat that grizzly… bear… thing. Had to be Peap. And Zephyr.

"Do you see what I mean?" Zephyr suddenly said exasperatedly, but her words were pointed straight at Peap. She blinked, turning to them with a smile. "Oh, I'm sorry. Peap just didn't want to believe me when I said something was wrong. Even Minura agreed, but I suppose he was too scared to come down on his own, hm?"

Yeah. Probably. "So why are you down here?" Bandana Dee asked, before realising that she had already half-answered his question when she was talking earlier.

Nevertheless, she repeated herself. "I found that something was rather suspicious, so I tried contacting everybody I knew," she began, "but Spaggy was busy. Wildfire was also attending to some matters. Minura picked up, however, and also agreed that something is amiss." A pause for emphasis. "He did not say he would come down and join us, though. I thought he would."

Ugh. No. Too confusing, Bandana Dee decided. Midori bounced from foot to foot. "So what's happening here?"

She offered another smile. "I know just about as much as you do."

"So why did you find it fishy?" Haddle demanded.

"No virus has ever suddenly attacked us like that. Is that not wrong?" She didn't wait for an answer. "There has to be something going on. Also, I confirmed with Your Majesty who reported the incident."

"_Who_." Prime question. The person who reported it could have just lied or something.

She smiled. No reply.

Ugh.

"W-We'll stay here," Peap squeaked. "…Um, make sure nobody else comes down here, at least, not someone untrustworthy."

"Oh, don't worry," Zephyr called out to them as they continued walking down the slimy hallway, "I've already solved it all. Your mastermind is hiding right behind at the end. You won't miss him, definitely. Keep walking."

Not very reassuring, but at least they knew they were getting somewhere.

Bandana Dee was also going to get the floor cleaned. No question.

* * *

31 May 2014 SGT: Hm, well, I started playing Dangan Ronpa. That's a start.

But Monokuma needs to keep his dirty jokes for himself. I'm at chapter _two_ and he's made _two_ of those so far.

As a bonus he once talked about sex-crazed teenage maniacs and humping plastic bottles. Do not. Ask me. Why. Because I know. But I will not say anything.

Also, remember while you're PMing, _don't_ start talking about _your_ life (because frankly I almost do not care) or _brag_ (because I will sock you in the face when I can and I will make sure it will be _painful_). Dear Guilty Person, I know you are reading this. And I hope I am making you feel guilty. I very much hope so.


	22. Bloody Faggots and Eyeballs

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Bloody Faggots and Eyeballs**

_Midori has a habit of freaking out in the really unnecessary times to freak out._

* * *

"_WAAAAAH we're all gonna dieeeee_!"

"If anything kills us here, Midori, it's your screaming."

"_NOOOOOOO_!"

"Maybe you could be nicer," Bandana Dee suggested. Wait. Scrap that, Haddle was anything but nice.

"Look, we're nearly at the end, okay? Now shut up and just let us walk in peace. I need space." And with that, Haddle shoved Midori off his wings. End of Midori's sad tale.

Slimy halls. Ugh.

Bandana Dee glanced back at the prisoners, and noticed something very, _very_ strange, then squinted, stopped, and stared.

The three Ss. To be applied, always.

"Uh… why did you stop?" Mitchizuka asked nervously, wringing his hands. His hidden question was: _What creepy thing is going on?_

"I forgot to leave my will at home," Midori suddenly realised, and with that, he commenced a frenzy attack directed at Haddle. Sadly, it was short-lived, and Haddle kicked him off.

"No, the prisoners are just huddled." Haddle folded his arms, and Bandana Dee added, "In a corner."

The waddle doo jumped up and down. "Yeah! They're in some sort of depression state or something. I dunno."

Midori cleared his throat. "I need out of here. Fast." Then, in a much, _much_, much, _much_ louder voice, he screamed, "_WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU BLOODY FAGGOTS?_"

Bandana Dee would be lying if he said he didn't flinch. "…Uh… maybe that wasn't the best approach." It sure had drawn the prisoners' attention, at least. "And they're not bloody faggots, Midori."

"Everyone is a bloody bloody faggot," Midori declared. (New-found confidence somehow.) "It doesn't matter how I speak to them. Why. Are. You. In. A. Bloody. Corner."

"If you say 'bloody' one more time you eyeball is going to be the next bloody thing," Haddle threatened impatiently.

"W-Why should we tell you?" the prisoner—who was in the cell in front of them—muttered.

"You. Bloody. _FAGGOT_."

All right, so Haddle punched his eye and Midori flipped and screamed and ran off into the next hallway. That… is… all… that… happened.

"They're not going to tell us," Bandana Dee said exasperatedly, sighing. "We just better move on. Midori can fend for himself, but he does reckless things."

"Agreed," Haddle scoffed. "Are all the prison doors locked?"

"I'll stay and check," Mitchizuka volunteered, wandering off down the hallway. "Catch up to you in a minute."

"…I think we should move on," Bandana Dee piped up when Haddle was silent. "We better not let Midori run off on his own, I mean. He could kill somebody."

"After I punched his eyeball? Unlikely."

"Actually, it's highly unlikely that Midori would go crazy and melt everything in his path, including the culprit, so…"

Something was amiss. Something was _veeeeery_ amiss.

And then Bandana Dee couldn't place his finger on it. Wonderful.

"Hey, did you check the duty time slots earlier? They have the name of the guards of the current day, right?"

"Right," Haddle confirmed, then squinted. Midori was up ahead, but he was shrieking ("_AAAAAHHHH!_") and he wasn't moving much.

"Did you check where R. Bonkers' time slot and hallway? There's one guard for every hallway, right? Because I think we just passed the hallway that he was supposed to tend to."

"Bloody faggot," Haddle muttered under his breath.

* * *

1 July 2014 SGT: Wow. Much love, dear readers. Much, much, love.

Since you obviously don't understand what I'm saying because you're a bundle of dimwits—or skip-author-notes-ers—go on and reread chapter nine's author note. Again. Again. Again. _Again_. Until you _finally_ get what I'm onto.

What? Did you expect me to give you the answer straight away? No. Too bad.


	23. Contagious Screams

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Contagious Screams**

_The two "Ms" begin their freak-out session._

* * *

"H-Haddle, I think I forgot to write my will," Bandana Dee nervously informed, walking behind a big distance from Haddle.

"Then you just have to stay alive so you won't _need_ a will," Haddle snapped.

"But I'm gonna _dieeee_."

"You brought your spear, didn't you? You can be _a_ _bit_ helpful in that way."

"If I didn't bring my spear, I'd be freaking out to hell and back. …What do you mean '_a bit_'."

Haddle snorted. "Mean just that. See? That's R. Bonkers up ahead."

This added fuel to the bonfire of Bandana Dee's worry. "_Holy shit_."

"You're always saying shit isn't holy."

"That's 'cause it isn't. But when _I_ say 'holy shit' it's an expression of my majestic shock," Bandana Dee sniffled.

"Your shock is not majestic."

Their extremely casual conversation was interrupted as Midori came running like he was being chased by a haunted chainsaw. "_ISDAMONKEY!_" he shrieked, only to be stared at.

"We _know_ R. Bonkers is up there and we kick ass," Bandana Dee said curtly. Sounded more like a reassurance than a fact.

"Quit chickening."

"Not chickening. Being smart."

"Not." Haddle let out his official signature snort accompanied with the haughty lifting of head. A hundred-percent insulting. "R. Bonkers quit your monkeying and stop whatever foolish crap you have in your head."

Only _then_ did he realise that crazy, flailing Midori had teammates around him. Then he pulled out some sort of metal thing-thing and began speaking rapidly. Also completely ignoring Haddle. Which was a _very_ bad choice because no one had the right to ignore Haddle.

"_Look at me when I'm talking to you, you swine!_" Haddle snapped, propelling off from the ground steadily into the air. Mitchizuka then arrived, saw the scene, screamed, and Midori instinctively screamed, and the latter blinked, then bonked Mitchizuka on the head.

"You idiot! Why the heck did _you_ scream?!"

"_What_? _You_ were screaming too!" Mitchizuka protested.

"You screamed first! Screaming is contagious!"

Bandana Dee watched the (other and more important) scene unfold as Haddle practically rammed his fist into… well, where _did_ he sock R. Bonkers? You know, he was standing so far away, and the source of noise pollution beside him was really distracting.

Anyways, right after the Haddle punch, R. Bonkers flew right through the wall, into the open space of outside-the-castle. Haddle snorted (again).

"We should contact Your Majesty, you know." And the _only_ person who referred to Kirby as "Your Majesty" was Zephyr. She frowned. (At least it wasn't a creepy smile. Thank God.)

"Why?" Haddle demanded.

"Get the Defence Squad ready." Matched with a sweet yet annoyed tone none could master. "In case anything happens. His behaviour was not one to overlook."

"'Course not," Mitchizuka sniffed. "Been a long time since the Defence Squad did anything."

"I am offended," Bandana Dee scoffed. "Anyway, that's still a good idea. Is my spear with me?"

"You just said you had it," Haddle pointed out.

"I'm just checking. Does anybody teleport? I don't feel like moving."

Silence. Then a dainty tilt of a head. "No, I don't believe so."

"So mean," Bandana Dee sniffled.

* * *

5 July 2014 SGT: **READ THIS YOU PEASANTS did I get your attention? Good.**

This is the part where you'll have to start memorising stuff. Anyways, Kirby divides the castle into a few squads (which break down into smaller squads, which will be gone into detail later) for the sake of it. I'll be going into detail about them for the next few author's note, so if you don't read them..? Your loss.

Firstly, **Assault Squad**: Lives up to its name. Guaranteed high attacking and usually high speed. Rare assassinations.

**Defence Squad**: For defending the castle and that is its _sole_ purpose. They're usually tanks with high defence, and okay-ish attacking. They stay in the castle and usually don't go out. Highest in population.

**Medical Squad**: They basically just heal injured people.

**Investigation Squad**: Collecting data, spying, and generally very hard work. Members in the Investigation Squad are usually smart and have an odd way of thinking. Quite low in population.

**Communication Squad**: They simply communicate. That is all.

Note that only when the squads have been _called to duty_ that this activates. Otherwise, you could consider them "standby".


	24. Fiend of Apples

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Fiend of Apples**

_The Assault Squad uses anything and everything for assault._

* * *

"…Where are we heading?"

"Oh, to the throne room."

"Why?"

"To report the incident. Would you not want to report it?"

Obviously, any normal person with a semblance of a brain would say "yes", but even that day, the entire group wasn't sure if the waddle doo _had_ one.

"But what if he kills us?" Mitchizuka panicked.

"We have Haddle."

"He still might _kill_ us."

"No, Mitchi, he won't." Bandana Dee barrelled against the throne room's door. "Well, you know what? You can say 'holy shit' now, Mitchizuka."

"Holy shit—what happened?" Mitchizuka peered at the door curiously, shoving Bandana Dee out of the way unintentionally and fiddling with the door knob. "Oh. Right. I see what you mean. Holy shit."

Haddle did not bother to go nicely and ask politely like a nice little kindergartener who knew their manners and respect. "Just what happened to the _stupid_ door?" he snarled. "Is it growing maggots, by any chance? Rotting? Growing mould?" (None of these suggestions sounded appealing to the waddle doo. Mitchizuka immediately stepped away from the door.)

The scoroo next to Haddle scoffed. "It's locked." _Obviously._

"Then we either seek Kirby out or inform the squads by ourselves. I suggest we split up." Zephyr placed her stub over her mouth musingly. "Peap and I will inform the squads. You four will search for Kirby."

"Uh, shouldn't it be the other way round?" After all, there were _four_ of them, so they could handle one squad for one…

"No. Two of you won't know how to handle it." Well, thank you! "We'll probably handle it faster."

Thus, the day led to nothing but tragedy. As they were strolling (they should be running, shouldn't they?) down the one of the hallways, something red and round was fired at them. Mitchizuka initially assumed it was an organ and shot down the hallway screaming.

Of course it wasn't an organ. It was an apple.

"What was _that_?" Haddle hissed, scanning around the area. (Of course, nobody cared what Mitchizuka was up to. If Mitchizuka freaked out, he was perfectly capable of defending his sorry self.)

"One of the members of the Assault Squad," Bandana Dee said dismissively. "They use anything as weapons. She likes sharp things like knives and scissors, though."

"An apple is anything _but_ sharp."

"Doesn't matter. Oh, speaking of apples, I need to go and buy pears later." And even the trickiest situation, Bandana Dee still cared so much for his groceries.

* * *

9 July 2014 SGT: …Well I'm dragging things out quite a long while aren't I.

This arc will most likely be finished in the next two chapters. And you'll see the "Fiend of Apples" sometime later. Anyways.

**Assault Squad**: They take charge of attacking other places, once-in-a-lifetime assassinations, and just attacking. Some snipe, some do up-close combat, but they usually get the job done efficiently.

(fiendofapplesisapsychopathdonttouchher)


	25. Spikey Onions

**Minion: A Few Hundred Drastic Changes Under King Kirby**

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Spikey Onions**

_Onions are not supposed to be spikey._

* * *

"He isn't in the throne room then _WHERE IS HEEEE_?" (They each had a particular knack for shrieking and making high-pitched noises during stress periods. Except for Haddle who used it more as some sort of battle cry.)

"Midori, you _don't_ need to let out a scream that carries over the sea," Bandana Dee reminded. "He's probably in his room or something."

"He has an office room and a bedroom, you realise." Curse you, Haddle-logic!

"Yeah, then we'll check both," Bandana Dee replied. "I'm pretty sure Mitchizuka isn't going to get into any trouble. …I think. Anyways, he's just about the least of our concerns now. Er, let's…check the room first."

Haddle glared at him.

"The _bed_room."

The reason why they were having a lot of trouble looking for Kirby was because when Dedede was still king, he was usually being a sloth back in the throne room. Kirby probably had his preferences and chose to stay elsewhere—well, _that_ made sense. The throne room was kinda stuffy. Bandana Dee heard Kirby was going to renovate it sometime (throne rooms could be renovated that easily?) but he wasn't in charge of the renovation, so he didn't get a lot of details.

The door leading to the king's bedroom used to be painted red and blue, but upon Kirby's arrival, the painting group of the waddle dees (the Painters, they were often called) hurried to repaint it pink and darker pink.

Midori had the honour of knocking on the door, and after three knocks, Kirby swung the door open with a curious tilt of his head. "What is it?"

"_He's here!_ Oh, thank the forsaken jelly!" Midori cried, leaping forward to try and hug (better term: glomp) Kirby. Unfortunately, the pink puffball took a simple sidestep and Midori flew and crashed into the bedroom. "_AAAHHH! Oh, holy crap, I'm too young to die! Get—me—out—of—here!_"

"He's fine if he can scream like that," Bandana Dee reassured. "_And crap is _so_ not holy, twit!_" Ah, Bandana Dee's daily reminder.

"_Wait, what the heck is this thing?_"

"Is he poking around in your stuff?" Haddle squinted.

"It's fine. I don't have anything I need to keep a secret in there." Kirby glanced back at where Midori had fell—into a pile in some of his cushions—then momentarily paused. "Don't move around too much, Mr Scoroo, there's something kinda dangerous in there. Anyways, what did you need me for?"

"Well, for one, did you happen to hear a screaming waddle doo run by?"

"…I think so."

"Ah, that's great." Bandana Dee nodded. "We have a rough idea on where he could be. Secondly, has anyone informed you of the suspicious behaviour?"

Midori's cry pierced through the air once again. "_Oh, what the heck! Is this a…_"

The pink puffball frowned. "…'Suspicious behaviour'? Well, no."

"Well, you see, there's this one guy who—"

"_EEEEE! It is one of THOSE THINGS OH MY GOSH HELP MEEEE!_"

"We better help him," Kirby advised. "I think he just discovered our in-progress spikey-onion."

Of course, none of them understood what Kirby meant. "'Spikey onion'? 'In progress'?" Bandana Dee frowned.

"They're currently being examined by the scientists downstairs. I discovered it in one of the yards earlier today. There were three, so I sent two down for testing and kept one in my room." Kirby retreated back into his room and came out with a Midori with some sort of spikey white thing attached to the side of his face. "We're just going to pull it out. Like this." And then he yanked out the spikey…thing.

"_IT HURTS!_ Oh my god Haddle if I'm bleeding I will kill myself," Midori sniffed.

"The spikey onion is weird, you see. I got it on my hand earlier and when I pulled it out my hand didn't bleed." Kirby gestured to his right stub. "They're examining that, too." Then he placed the spikey onion in a plastic container and turned his attention back to them. "Anyway, what was that you were saying?"

* * *

14 June 2014 SGT: Tomorrow's the final chapter of the arc be glad.

Do you know _everyone_ was all over E3? _Everyone_? I was just doing my _LEAVE ME ALONEEE_.

Also did you know the first chapter of _100 Ways of Ridding of Boredom_ has _2000_ _freaking views_ I was like _whoa shit_.

**Defence Squad**: When called to duty, they just float around the castle and wait for the attackers to come and that's when they defend the castle. (Hence the name.) Largest in population. They're usually sturdy and have an okay-ish attack, but usually aren't the quickest creatures around. (In fact, possibly the slowest.)


End file.
